


To Have Loved

by Homesweetdali



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Established Relationship, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-16
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-07 19:31:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 5,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3180524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Homesweetdali/pseuds/Homesweetdali
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While trying to find a solution to Dean's mark of Cain,  Sam is pulled into another reality where he and Cas have been married,  meanwhile another version of himself remains back home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will be ongoing, I usually try to post all at once but that's work let me tell you. So ill be posting these possibly far apart, whenever the mood strikes, I just had to get this out of my head. Its not meant to be fluff, but I'm not sure how serious I'm going to come across. I hope you all enjoy. :)

All Sam could see were blinding wisps of white light, -and then an abrupt clatter. 

The wooden floor boards were old, he could tell by the way they creaked underneath his weight.  
He'd fallen, but he had no idea from where, and his thoughts were racing, trying to put together how exactly he'd ended up - wherever he was at this very moment. 

Instincts caught up with him quickly enough, and Sam was already assessing the area. 

The room was plain, dusty at worst. It smelled like a woodsy forest, but in an artificial way. There must've been a candle lit someplace nearby. 

All of this did nothing to put his mind at ease, still completely uncertain of where he was.  
He knew where he'd been before, in the bunker, researching. Some locket book he and Cas were trying to crack - another attempt at curing Dean from the mark. 

There was another sudden clashing-broken dishes, and as he looked up towards the open hallway and into an adjacent bedroom, he saw a familiar figure stood with a shocked expression. 

"Who are you!? " 

Sam gawked, just as surprised as this person, but more to do with the fact that they looked just like Castiel. 

" -... Cas? " Sam spoke dumbly. 

He began to approach the individual before they stopped him by picking up one of the broken shards below and raising it up, towards him. 

" Don't come any closer,... whoever you are! " this person didn't sound like Cas, or even Jimmy, really. His voice was somewhere in between gruff and light. 

He must've seen me pop out of nowhere, Sam thought. Fantastic. 

" Look, I'm not sure how I got here. " Sam said inching closer to him. The man stumbled back bit by bit, until they'd walked back into the adjacent room. Inside was a wide open window. Sam looked through it and saw that it was snowing heavily outside. They appeared to be on some sort of farmland as well. 

" I'm not going to hurt you-" Sam continued to advance, methodically keeping an eye on the porcelain shard. 

The man flinched at his shifting eyes and picked up his pace, moving backwards until he was too close to the open window sill. 

This alarmed Sam, causing him to forget about the weapon and to reach out for him instead. 

The man shrieked out in protest but the closer Sam was to him, the more his hands trembled, and eventually he dropped the glass piece onto the floor. 

Sam held the arm that'd been holding the shard, and with his other hand he shut the window.

The man looked at him in fear but also with a sore curiosity. 

"My name is Sam. I don't know how I got here or how I'm getting back but-"

"You're not Sam." the man accused. 

Sam scoffed, releasing him. What was that supposed to mean? 

"Not the Sam I know." 

Sam furrowed. What did _that_ mean? 

The man walked calmly passed him and up to a framed picture of himself alongside another man who looked just like Sam. 

His face was fearful even then and when he spoke, it was with a strain that could only be described as great sadness. 

"My husband. "


	2. Chapter 2

He remembered feeling this way their last anniversary when they'd all gone out to celebrate. Dean suggested some jaeger bombs amongst many other festive beverages and the next day he couldn't see straight. His head hurt so badly he couldn't even open his eyes. He'd always been a lightweight, -this was true, though not nearly as much as Cas. 

He heard voices in the distance, but they were too muffled to understand the words. 

There was a slammed door, **that** , he heard clearly. His eyes bulged a bit as he looked around the room. 

Panic settled in him as footsteps drew closer to where he was-in some secluded study,... but there were no windows, no indication of where he was. 

A man appeared, stopping by the doorway, he hesitated before speaking.

"... Sam. " he said carefully. 

Sam's eyes widened, he strode towards Castiel and embraced him. 

" Um. " Cas squinted as he was swayed side to side. 

" Cas, I don't know what's going on, but I think we were kidnapped. " 

Cas pulled himself from out of the hug and kept Sam at an arms length -his brows furrowed. 

" Sam? ... I was almost certain you'd have been from another time line, but something seems off... You don't seem... In accordance with this reality. " 

Sam looked extremely confused by Cas' words, but also his tone and cadence. 

"You are... from another dimension entirely. " Cas spoke grievously. 

This made Sam laugh almost into hysterics, but Cas' serious expression grounded him once more. 

"You're kidding. Cas, are you drunk?" Sam looked around the room is jest. He must've believed this was all some elaborate prank. Dean loved to pull those every so often. 

"Where's Dean, I'll bet he'd love to see the look on my face. "

" Sam, I'm not joking with you. I'm not who you think I am."

Sam grinned playfully, here then stood forward and did something Cas would not have expected. 

Lowering himself a bit, Sam leaned in and kissed Cas on the cheek. 

When he motioned for another kiss however, -this time one on the mouth, he was abruptly stopped by a forceful palm against the center of his chest. The shove sent him far back into a bookcase which promptly fell over onto another bookcase, which fell after that. 

The look on Sam's face after the collision was enough to show that he was beginning  
to rethink the current situation.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback with married Sam and Cas.

" It's beautiful. " Cas said, walking up to the porch. 

"Yep, and it's ours. " Sam waved a pile of deed papers to the country side house. It was cheap for its size and location. There was some rumor that it had been haunted but Sam was never the superstitious type. Cas might've begged to differ, -he'd come from a very religious family that would've advised against that sort of deal. Then again they'd advised against many things in the past that he didn't agreed with. Besides, if Sam wasn't afraid, then neither was he. It was the way things were. 

" I can't wait to tell Dean about this place. " Sam beamed. He was inspecting the kitchen when he turned towards Castiel who had some kind of pensive look on his face, almost sullen. 

" Hey." Sam patted him lightly on the shoulder, guiding him into the next room. The house was mostly empty and aged, but not too worn and needed few repairs. 

They both stood in what could be assumed to be the living room. There was an empty fireplace and a large bay window on the other side of the room, towards the front of the house. 

"I got you something." Sam said reaching into his coat. 

Cas stared at him blankly, not sure what else Sam could have gotten for him next to this new home. 

His eyes widened as Sam revealed a little black box from his pocket sleeve. 

" You going to say something? " Sam shifted awkwardly, his voice slightly apprehensive. Cas could tell he was flustered, but he was too much in awe to react.

" -... Yes! " Castiel stammered. It took a few more words to clarify exactly which question he was addressing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas explains their world to the other Sam.

This was insane. He was dreaming, had to be. But every other sense told him the opposite. Cas was right beside him, but he wasn't. This wasn't Cas, not his Cas. 

"How,...what...no. " Sam struggled to form a proper question. 

Cas sighed in frustration which made Sam move back a bit, after all, their first encounter had ended... well. 

" I, apologize. I realize this must be a lot for you to take in-"

" A lot, yeah I'd say so. One minute I'm sleeping in my own house, in my own bed, the next I'm propelled into some tacky episode of the twilight zone. " Sam furrowed, rubbing his face. They'd moved to one of the bedrooms-probably belonging to the Sam this Cas knew. 

He scoffed. It was dismal to say the least, like a holding cell. 

" Doesn't have much taste in decor, does he? " he mumbled sarcastically. 

Cas squinted, confused as to what brought about that comment. His voice became very stern. 

" Sam has been somewhat preoccupied-what, with the world in chaos, and his brother becoming a demon."

This caught Sam's attention right away. All of his previous smugness was replaced by an attentive, pleading face. 

"Dean? " 

Cas looked like he'd regretted mentioning him at all, but not knowing how long this Sam would be with them, he decided it was better to explain things-all things. 

" I...don't know what to say. Angels, demons, eh.... " Sam shook his head. 

Growing up, he'd been through a lot. He didn't remember much from his childhood, it was just him and his brother. Their mother was murdered by some nameless perp and their father...he loved them more than anything, but the death of his wife consumed him. One day-one night, Dean packed up and took Sam with him. It wasn't until much later when Dean was old enough that they had some sort of stability in their lives. A crappy trailer home, but a home regardless. Sam would argue that Dean had been through much worse than himself. He gave up school so that Sam could succeed and became a parent much sooner than he should have. 

This though, -monsters, biblical curses, how could anyone survive something like that . 

" How could he do something like that? " Sam said angrily. 

" That idiot, always sacrificing himself, and for what? He should be worrying about himself! " 

Castiel was slightly surprised by Sam's sudden wave of emotions. 

" Where is he? Let me talk to him. "

Sam stood and began to walk out to the hallway but Cas blocked his path. 

" Sam- there's nothing you can do. That's the entire reason-it's why we were looking for a way to cure it in the first place."

Sam looked defeatedly towards the floor. His fists clenched. 

" Besides, this Dean is not your real brother. "Cas winced at his last words, he didn't mean to be cross. 

" I know... but he sure as hell sounds like it from what you told me. "

" All we can do now is find a way to get you home, and get the Sam that belongs in this world back safely. " 

"Right. I don't know where to even begin with that, but you're right, I need to get home." Sam took a deep breath in and thought about his Cas, although he tried not to dwell on what might be happening in that reality -he only hoped that he was safe. 

"... You know, it's pretty typical that you'd be an angel. "Sam said with a smirk. Cas looked up at him curiously, but didn't ask for any further explanation. This Sam was odd, he thought.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Otherworld Cas and Sam have a short conversation.

"You aren't like Sam. I mean, my Sam. My husband. You're too serious. "  
Cas always cleaned when he was nervous. Right at that moment he was in the middle of buffing some smudges out of the already twice buffed china. 

Sam sat adjacent to him but not too close, - not of his own accord. It seemed like this Cas was keeping his distance, and the least he could do was respect that. 

Sam cleared his throat.  
" Well, I'm not... your husband, that is. Wherever he is-it's probably where I should be right now, actually."

Cas paused mid swipe, staring into the pale reflection. He could see Sam through the plate. 

" I - how would we even go about doing that? Getting you-getting him back home? "

Sam glanced downward, at a loss. 

" Maybe it was some sort of spell, or God forbid, a curse. " 

Cas chuckled darkly as he let the plate down with a small thud. 

" Spells, curses. I think I've lost my mind. I grew up in a place that taught me to fear such things. " 

" Well, I can't say that's such a bad thing. There are... a lot of things out there to be afraid of. " Sam conceded. 

Cas looked at him from the side of his eyes, his expression looked somewhat contentious. 

" Regardless, my fears were instilled elsewhere."

Sam didn't know what to make of that so he said nothing and watched as Castiel walked to the other side of the room. 

He walked towards one of those old father clocks. Sam was surprised such a thing worked when it looked so worn. On the side there were marks etched into it like height measurements. Besides them was a more eloquently scribbled inscription that read, 'with warm regards, - Bobby.' 

"Oh, no. " Cas said grievously. 

" What's wrong? " 

" Today's the twenty-fourth. He'll be here in an hour... "

" Who? " Sam mulled this over in his mind, the twenty-fourth  
... What month was it? 

He looked on the table and picked up what he assumed to be Cas' phone, quickly checking the exact date. 

" Holy crap. " 

Cas looked back at him, mirroring his anxiety. 

" It's Dean's birthday. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So shooort. But I don't want to keep writing unless I know it's good/interesting, and right now I'm sleepy haha. There'll be more later.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is on his way over in the other world. Cas and the other Sam continue to search for a solution.

"Dean is coming?! Dean? " Sam gawked. He placed the phone back down and slid it farther away from himself-as far away as he wanted to imagine himself being from this scenario. 

" I know, and I haven't even bought the pie yet. " Cas winced. 

Sam gave him a look that said that was the least of their problems. 

" What do we do? Can't you cancel? " 

Cas shook his head. 

" Even if I tried he'd want to know why. He can always tell when somethings wrong. He'd come over anyway. " 

Sam let out a frustrated sigh. He looked around the room for a moment, aimlessly until he began to stride into the kitchen. 

Cas followed him curious, but timid. 

Hesitantly, he spoke.   
"... Sam? What are you doing?" 

Sam moved around frantically until he had opened a majority of the drawers. He took out a large bowl along with a bunch of other utensils and foodstuffs. 

" You said you hadn't bought a pie yet? " 

He turned around with an arm full of stuff. 

" We're going to make one. "

Cas stared at Sam with a slight pause. He could almost mistake him for his Sam, almost. 

" We have to seem normal, well-as close to normal as we can get. It'd be better if this Dean -your Dean... didn't catch on. "  
Sam placed everything onto a small table in front of him. 

" No pie on Dean's birthday- well that's just a sure sign somethings not quite right. " 

" I don't know... " Cas started, he looked back at the time. 

" Hey-" Sam called out to him. Cas looked nervous. Almost as badly as he'd been when this all started. Sam walked up to him and handed him a bowl and wooden spoon. 

"Trust me. " 

Cas accepted the bowl and spoon. 

"Alright. "

-

" So... I guess I'm a real big shot, well in the killing monsters and fighting against evil sense... or something like that. What would you even call that? A super hero, a hobby-am I-is he, like an assassin or something?"

"You're, _-he_ , is a hunter. A man of letters. Though he has been called lesser things in the past. " 

Sam looked up at Castiel from the stair where he sat reading one of the many books they were going through. So far they'd covered three whole shelves. 

Cas noticed Sam's expression was a questioning one and cleared his throat before adding -

" However none of them were deserved. Sam is a good person. His intentions are always noble. " 

Sam smiled at that. He knew Castiel wasn't talking about him, but he couldn't help but feel a swell of pride beneath his chest. 

" Sounds like you two are close."

Cas peeked up from his book. 

"Sam and I have been through many tribulations. I could say the same for Dean. " 

Sam chuckled at that. 

" Has anyone ever told you, you're very serious? I have a feeling though... is it because you're an angel? "

" Perhaps... " Cas said not really paying much attention. 

Sam withdrew himself back into his reading. 

" I wonder if Cas is alright. "

Cas looked up in response to his name. 

" Sorry, I mean-... he's my husband." 

"Oh. " Cas stated bluntly. He'd finished with his book and picked up another but suddenly found it harder to stay focused. 

" Hold on. " Sam said. He stood up. 

He was fumbling with something in his pocket to show to Cas. 

" A lot of these books talk about ghosts and how when they leave an object close to them behind, it can bound them or -... connect with them."

Sam presented a ring to Cas who stared at it perplexed. 

" Could that work with other dimensions? " 

Before Cas could respond the bunker door opened, Dean had come home.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Cas bake a pie for Dean's birthday. Dean comes back to the bunker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally updated, I will finish this story I promise. I already have my ending (in my head). The hardest part is getting there!

"You're good at this." Sam remarked. He leant on the side counter, covered in flour and raw dough as he watched Cas prepare the top crust.

He couldn't remember the last time he baked anything really, or when there had ever been time to do such a thing.  
All he'd really done however was knead the dough, and pour in the filling. Cas did a majority of the work; measuring the ingredients, stirring, trimming, cutting, setting the timer and the stove.

Sam would've felt bad if it hadn't been such a calming atmosphere. Cas worked very quietly, politely asking every so often that Sam assist him with the small things. The sun drifted lower as they worked and caused the light from outside to deepen in color as it phased softly through the window. It must've been close to the evening by the way Sam's eyes started to droop, but it wasn't an unpleasant feeling like how he'd felt after a particularly rough hunt-no,  
this was subtle....almost surreal.

"It should be just a few more minutes." Cas said. He opened the oven door to see if the crust had started to brown yet.

Sam looked up from the sink where he stood washing the remaining dishes. He could tell Cas was nervous by the way he'd pace from the stove to the kitchen table, and how frequently he'd check his phone.

"What if he finds out?" Cas says aloud. He stared at the blank screen. 

Sam put a dish down on the rack and wiped his hands on a nearby towel. 

"Well, if it comes to that...just don't worry about it- it's not gonna happen." Sam shook his head at the thought. How would he find out? It's such a ludicrous idea. Even if this Dean caught on, surely his first thoughts wouldn't be that he was from another dimension. Sam gave himself enough credit that he wouldn't come across as that bizarre of an individual. 

"Just in case, is there anything I should know about this Sam? How he acts, or ...talks, things like that."

Cas approached the question fondly, it actually seemed to have a stabilizing effect on him. He no longer seemed as jittery as he had been before.

"Well...he's very amiable. Very kind, and outgoing."

Sam glanced down for a moment, reflectively. Was he like that? He wasn't sure, but he'd have to be in order to keep under the radar.

"Anything else?"

Cas paused a moment, it looked like he was lost in thought, but for some reason he suddenly appeard very sullen. 

"I miss him." he said looking at the screen.

Sam frowned, the quiet atmosphere from earlier had turned sulky.

He walked up to Cas but didn't touch him or try to console him, there was a strange distance between them, like a moat keeping him at bay.

Sam motioned to speak, but before he could there was an obnoxiously loud ding from Cas' phone. Cas looked up at Sam in desperation, to which Sam swallowed nervously himself.

"He's here."

-

Dean had left in a flurry, but surprisingly only had a couple of drinks before returning to the bunker. He walked in with a slight grimace, and a reluctant step as he stared down at the thing that looked like his brother, but he knew was not.

"Dean, we have news." Cas informed him.

"Oh, fantastic, let me alert the media."

Cas' eyes creased a bit at his tone, none the less he went to meet him by the stairs, object at hand.  
Dean glanced down at Cas' hand. When he opened it, he revealed a silver ring.

Dean then looked up at Sam who stood, watching the two from a distance.

"This belongs to Sam." Dean winced at Cas' casual demeanor, using his brother's name to identify this stranger.

 

"We may be able to connect with his world, similar to how ghosts attach themselves to treasured possessions. Perhaps dimensions can be linked to an object."

"Why don't we just use him?" Dean pointed towards Sam who stood more attentively at the motion.

"...Because if we injure him by any means, it may result in the injury of our Sam." Dean's eyes flickered to Cas.  
He withdrew slightly, giving an audible sigh of frustration.

"Well then, what?! Do you really expect this to work?" 

Cas looked down at the ring. "It is possible. We will have to gather the proper supplies. Most should be found within the bunker, if there are others, Sam and I will look for them-" Cas drifted a bit, avoiding Dean's face.  
The assumption was there, he didn't want to leave this Sam with Dean, not alone. The Mark made matters worse.

"We will most likely need to burn it in sigils, among the other ingredients."

Sam walked up to Cas cautiously, avoiding Dean's subtle glare.

"It'll be alright though, my ring?"

Dean scoffed.  
"What- is it your 'precious'? Is your dimension some kind of Shire, Gamgee?"

Sam perked up a bit, tired of the nit picking.

"It's my wedding ring, I'd like to keep it if that's alright." He spoke bitterly.

Dean found himself taken aback by this.  
He crossed his arms and hesitated before he asked.

"You got a wife?"

Sam grinned slightly.

"Husband, actually."

Dean deadpanned and for moment there was nothing but awkward silence until Cas interrupted.

"I think we should begin preparation for the time being. Sam?" Cas motioned for him to follow. Sam nodded, smirking as they drifted into the next room. Dean stood by the stair, speechless.

"You may join us whenever you're ready." Cas called out to him from afar.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean comes to visit. Meanwhile back at home-Cas, Dean, and 'Sam' find a way to reach the other world.

"Sammy!" Dean beamed as he threw his arms around him. Sam returned the embrace as enthusiastically as he could without seeming too forced. Over Dean's shoulder he shared a cautious look with Cas who'd yet to greet his brother-in-law. 

"Why so shy- you're not sick or nothin, are ya?" Dean started towards Cas, he paused as he considered the possibility. 

"No, I...just, it's-" Dean didn't seem to be bothered by Cas' mumbling. Instead, he gave him a tight squeeze around his torso which in turn made Cas gasp for air.

"Great! Wouldn't be so much fun if you were gonna be blowing chunks the whole time I was here. Now..." Dean raised a finger in the air as he gave the room a once-over. His attention landed on Sam who swallowed a bit apprehensively at first. 

"Where's that pie?" Dean smiled, warmly.

-

"The spell is simple enough- although that is hardly reassuring." Cas sat at a table where they'd gathered all of the required materials for the incantation to work. Dean and Sam were not far, lingering closeby. 

 

"Why is that?" Sam asked him. He sat himself beside Cas where he looked over the pages that contained words from a language he did not understand, but Cas seemed well versed in. 

 

"We are dealing with cross-dimensional magic. It's one thing to undergo space and time-travel, -which is more power than we can handle, but this. This is another reality entirely. We may not know the consequences until it is too late."

"Sounds like a typical walk in the park to me." Dean chimed in. "It's not like we haven't dealt with these odds before."

"The spell says that it will allow us a voice to which we may connect with this otherworld."

" What,  so you're saying we can't actually get there?  We have to go long-distance? " Dean stiffened, crossing his arms. 

"Dean-"

"It's all we've got.  May as well try it."  Sam interrupted.  His stare was steely,  but wavered as he continued to look over the papers in front of him.

Cas sighed in resignation.  

"Let's do it then." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I said I'd finish it, and I will. >:D


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean stays the night.

"So Jody's doing fine, she's got so many kids now-you'd think she was running a schoolhouse or something."

Cas smiled fondly at the mention of their friend as he drank black tea from his mug. He shifted discreetly to nudge Sam on the sofa. He'd very nearly been gawking at Dean's small talk. It was obvious that there were things that he recognized. Maybe more parallels to his world.

"A-ah, yeah. That's great. Must be hard though, being a single mom and all."

Cas swallowed his tea a bit too hard, and almost choked as he exchanged an anxious look with Sam who quickly tried to change the subject.

To his relief, Dean gave an amused huff.

"Yeah well, Bobby's got his hands full lately. Cars aren't coming as often as they used to. He's looking into truck driving soon, so he's not really around too often from what I hear. Jody gets it though. She can't do it alone, but she's not alone, not really. Sometimes things get rough now and then, y'know? " Dean's eyes lowered slightly, he took a swig of his beer.

"Yeah, no I get it." Sam said, not entirely sure if he could based on the circumstances.

Dean gave Sam a long look before he placed his beer back down on the table.

"Well, it's getting late. Where should I crash? "

"U-uhm." Sam looked to Castiel for an answer. The guestroom was okay, the few shards of porcelain that had fell were put away. The main bedroom however, was trashed on Sam's arrival.

"Guest room. We'll be downstairs here." Cas spoke up.

"Why?" Dean asked plainly.

"Well, there was an incident earlier in the main bedroom. An owl flew in through the window and made a mess of it."

"An owl?" Dean said flatly. "So you're staying down here?" he gestured at the furniture in the room. It was actually quite small and not nearly long enough for Sam to lie, long wise.

"We can push them together." Sam said, referring to the two sofas. "It's your birthday, we gotta be good hosts, right?"

"Well, you got me there." Dean rose to stretch. Both Cas and Sam rose with him.

Sam and Cas began to prepare for bed. Dean waved Sam over however, as he walked towards the front porch. Sam followed him apprehensively.

Outside, Dean spoke to him quietly. He looked through the window over Sam's shoulder and watched as Cas waved a sheet over the jigsaw bed.

"Are you two doing okay?"

Sam flinched a little and pursed his lips.

"I'm just saying. You two are acting a little-..off, or something. Like you're all..." he gestured around Sam's frame. "...stiff."

Sam laughed , half due to the nervousness he was feeling, but he hid it well enough.

"We're doing great, why?" he regretted asking.

"An Owl, Sam?" That room's a mess, ain't it? It just sounds like...

"Like what?" Sam asked. He was actually curious to see what Dean was suggesting.

"It sounds a lot like dad to me."

Sam paused, taken aback.

"Listen, I don't know if you two have been fighting or-"

"What? No, we're not fighting. Not at all."

"Listen, Sam." Dean picked up Sam's hand.

"You're not wearing the ring. You're acting all stiff, and the bedroom is supposedly trashed."

"It's not what you think." Sam started, but Dean interrupted him before he could continue.

"Whatever's going on, talk to me, okay? I know you two. Nothing has ever come up between the two of you that was ever a problem, but no ones perfect. If somethings wrong, you can come to me- Cas can come to me. Understand? You two aren't alone either."

"We're fine, Dean." Sam persisted.

Dean gave him another long look, but accepted what Sam was saying.

"Fine, I trust you. Let's go back inside and get some sleep. " Dean patted Sam on the shoulder, Sam nodded in agreement.

"Goodnight, Dean." Cas waved as Dean went upstairs. Dean waved back with a weary smile, Cas assumed was a result of fatigue and beer.

Sam helped Cas put the rest of the bed together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will update tomorrow.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Castiel talk.

Even though they had gotten everything settled, Sam could not rest. The same was for Castiel who lied with his arms folded up, facing the right side of the bed. 

Their attempt to create a place to sleep was in need of some adjustments. Sam's legs hung over the arm of the sofa, he didn't complain, however. The silence still felt tense somehow. 

 

"Cas..." 

 

Cas peeked over his shoulder, nestled in a large comforter. 

 

"Yes?"

 

"Sam's dad. He must not be such a nice guy, huh?"

 

Cas was surprised by the question. He never once mentioned Sam's family, and neither had Dean. Dean. It must have been when they were talking out on the porch, he thought.

 

"Well-" Cas started. "He never spoke of it much, it was always hard for him. I think his father left a pretty heavy weight on Sam, and Dean for that matter."

 

Sam watched Cas as he spoke, he could tell that Cas did not know the full story. It must be true then, that Sam probably had it rough growing up, not unlike himself.

 

"Dean ran away with Sam years ago. It's hard to tell whether or not their father really noticed- his wife had been murdered and he became very obsessive and intent on finding whoever did it...All that time, you'd expect a father would have spent time recuperating with his kids, but he wanted to find solace in other ways. I think, from what I've heard-that he truly believed revenge would justify his actions. He became very abusive. Dean was too young at the time, but he still picked fights with John, he couldn't help it. The frustration festered inside of him until it would boil over. Sam hasn't told me much about how things were for himself. He'll go on and on about Dean though."

 

Cas looked up at Sam who shifted his eyes away after a sudden anxiousness. 

 

"Yeah, our dad went through some things too, but- it wasn't like that, not exactly."

 

Cas nodded slightly, still staring up at him.

 

"How did you and Sam meet?" Sam found himself asking. He wanted to change subjects, but in part, he was curious. 

 

Castiel looked thoughtful for a few moments. "I was working on my family's plantation, not exactly where I wanted to be for the rest of my life. The orchards were nice though, don't get me wrong, the work wasn't all bad. It was just, a suffocating environment..."

 

"Family?" Sam suggested, but Cas nodded hesitantly.

 

"Yes, and no. I was part of a very large, disconnected assortment of people. I guess you could refer to them as family. However, it was much closer to a cult, if I'm being completely honest. Keeping face was something we were always taught to do, and when I met Sam- well it wasn't easy. All my life I thought I knew what I was doing, what was right. When I met Sam I was lost. I still would be if hadn't taken me in. I don't know why he chose me, of all people, but it must have been his ability to recognize signs of abuse. He knew something was wrong, and he never gave up on me, even at times where I got him into trouble for doing what I thought was the right thing at the time. He told me, 'Nothing is worth losing you.' "

 

Sam looked up at those words. He remembered being told the same. 

 

"There's another Cas with you, isn't there? What is he like?"

 

Sam thought for a moment about Cas back at home and couldn't help the feeling of fondness that came over him. "He's-" Sam chuckled a little which caused Cas to tip his head to one side, curiously.

 

"He's a strange guy, but he's always there for me and my brother. No matter what happens. We've been through a lot together. I can honestly say he's one of the few people that I can rely on, that I trust."

 

"So,...you aren't together then, not like Sam and I are?" Cas asked carefully.

 

Sam nodded.

 

"No, we're not married."

 

Cas gave a confirmed "Mm." and placed his head back down on his pillow. Sam could have sworn he looked disappointed, that made him feel...he wasn't sure exactly.  It was odd, talking to Cas, but not the Cas he knew,-and being able to casually discuss marriage, and family, and feelings. It felt like something was missing, but he wasn't sure exactly who or what that was.

  Just as the conversation ended, there was a startling ping from underneath the comforter. Cas looked fearful, as he discovered the noise had been coming from his ring. He quickly ran into the kitchen for better lighting. 

 

"Cas, Cas can you hear me?"

 

"Sam!?" Cas said in awe. The voice sounded  slightly distorted like radio feed, but he recognized who it was with ease.

 

Sam followed him into the kitchen, having overheard the voices.  Cas looked at him with painfully hopeful eyes before he looked back at the talking ring.

 

"It's him, it's him." he urged. 

 

Sam placed a steady hand on Cas' shoulder. They both waited to hear the voice on the other side.

  


End file.
